One who wants to stone me.

~B~ is a coworker of a relative that lives in a few hours drive from my home.

We met one day when, while working in my relatives vicinity, I visited my relative at work. ~B~ seemed a little stricken when we first met. Afterwards I checked my fly, found it closed so I assumed her nervous fidigety reaction to my presence a positive one. I had my relative forward a message on to ~B~ and shortly afterward had a response from ~B~ indicating she would like to see me when I next came to her area.

When I next worked in ~B~'s vicinity we met at a restraunt had drinks, dinner and several hours oconversation puncuiated with laughter. At dinner's end she had to abandon coffee & desert when she phoned in a check on how with her child was doing with the babysitter. We agreed to meet again the next time I was working in her area.

The following month I was again scheduled to work in ~B~'s vicinity. I contacted ~B~ and we again agreed to a date.

Two days before I was to return to ~B~'s area my trip was canceled. I informed ~B~ apologizing for 'the chaos in my life'. She replied that she was having difficultis in her life as well and was 'not ready for dating.'

I have no clue weather she was actually 'not ready to date', upset that I was not able to make our second date or she just didn't fine me interisting.

It never ceases to amaze me that people who are otherwise good and honest people anr incapable of giving a straight answer about their own relationships.

There may not be a woman in the center of my life but...

family keeps my busy during the holidays.
A quick pick for your entertainment.

One who wants to own me

 I was introduced to ~A~ by a mutual acquaintance while I was still seperated from The Ex. During our first meeting , at a party, ~A~ pulled me aside to talk privately. During our conversation ~A~ pulled my head down by my shirt, passed up all progression of lip wrestleing and went straight for the tounge tango.

 ~A~ and I have had a number of dates so far. All of our one on one encounters have quickly devolved to the horizontal mambo. While I have enjoyed the sex our encounters where we just spent time togeather have been much more fufilling relationship wise. I, from the time we first met, have been up front with ~A~ about not wanting a to return to a serious relationship in my immediate future.

 During one of our one on one encounters ~A~ professed, with tearful eyes, that she was falling in love with me. Later, at a time less charged with passion and alcohol, I let ~A~ know I was still not ready for a return to a serious relationship an if what we had togeather was bringing tears to her eyes we should back off and cool down the relationship. ~A~ quickly recanted her earlier profession of love.

 It never ceases to amaze me that otherwise honest people (of whom I belive ~A~ to be one) are so hard pressed to be open and honest about their feelings about their own relationships.

I care for ~A~.
I do not love ~A~.
I do not want to bring any distress to ~A~.
I know it hurts ~A~'s feelings that I am trying to meet other women.
I will not hide any of this from ~A~. (As this distresses ~A~ I do not bring it up but when she asks I reply honestly.)
I believe that hiding this will eventually cause ~A~ more pain than being up front & honest.

 I would prefer either a 'no strings attached' or a plutonic relationship with ~A~ but I know she wants more of a relationship than I. I imagine that my trying to cool down our relationship will cause ~A~ a significant deal of distress. As ~A~ would never do this I will have to.

Damn.

Today's reminder why I am doing this.

This evening I decorated my Christmas tree alone.

There is a reason I do this. Tonight is an example.

Observations in a bar.

Five dollar beers.
Eight friends crowded around a table the size of a large pizza.
Yelling at thetop of you lungs trying to be heard.
Whats not to like?

I have never been intrested in a bar scene.

Having had very little success in the internet dating (fodder for many future posts) world I have decided to try to figure out the bar scene. I spent three hours perched in good vantage point watching the goings on in one of the local watering holes. Here are my observations:
-No one, with the exception of yours truly, arrives alone.
-When a male and female couple arrive togeather the man spends as much time as possible near his date. (I observered one man follow his date to the door of the womens restroom.) When other men approach the man  from the couple has several moments of focused attention trying to dertermine what the intentions of the other man are.
-When two females arrive their intention seems to be to repel the attempts of men to introduce themselves.
-When two men arrive togeather they seem to spend most of their time talking with each other and just looking at the women (usually the servers).

I find it humorous that people do this to meet members of the opposite sex. At least I got to watch the Okalahoma Nebraska game.

A brief anonymous biography.

During my teenage years I was a stereotypical, introverted nerd who, with the exception of my ex-wife, never managed to get a romantic relationship off the ground.
I met my ex-wife at my first full time job out of college.
A few months ago my marriage of almost twenty years came to an end.
I am now a little over forty.
I have only small regrets for my past.
I have no great desire to spend the rest of my life alone.
I, in short, have no clue as to what I'm doing.
This is going to be intresting.